Definitions of Love
What is your definition of love?
Here's (one of) mine.
My version includes: championing another person's sovereignty. Letting another person have an experience of their choosing, in their quest for their own happiness and growth. That experience might not be an experience *I* choose. It might not even include me.
My own internal FOMO (fear of missing out) meter really has a hard time with this. A REALLY hard time. But...when I get some perspective, I personally want to experience love that is not selfish. It feels shitty to impede on anyone's happiness.
To further this idea: my version of love is encouraging a person have a full expression of their authentic self. This also is hard for my inner manager to just sit back and relax with sometimes. But again, real love for me includes allowing a person to blossom into the fullness of who they are, even parts I might not like.
If you're not sure if you're confusing the parts you don't like with whether they are a good person, run down this internal checklist:
1) Are they a good human at their core?
2) Are they actively being a good human to me and others?
Checking yes? Then proceed.
If the answer to those questions are no's, then some reevaluation is in order.
This is my opinion, the one that makes the most sense for me in the way I want to experience love. Love has nothing to do with controlling or manipulating another human. Love has nothing to do with possessiveness. Love has nothing to do with managing another persons experience in the interest of me feeling 'safe' or 'secure'. If it does, then what we say is love might actually be fear masquerading as love.
One of my favorite kitschy Australian movies, Strictly Ballroom, has this quote in it:
A Life Lived in Fear is a Life Half Lived.
Here's to a fully lived life