Viva la Difference!
My partner Paul and I had our first appearance co-guesting on a podcast yesterday afternoon, to share our experience with the Erotic Blueprints. As we were prepping, we found ourselves feeling anxious about how to present ourselves both as a couple, and as coaches, together during a single conversation.
The truth is, for a long time, we had had differences of opinion on our individual approach to a wide variety of relationship issues. From issues that were things others were struggling with, to some of the sticky points in our own relationship, there had been a recurring pattern. Sometimes that would lead to conflict and hurt feelings. Paul felt like I would 'correct' him or invalidate what he had just said. I realized that I felt the 'need' to correct him, because I felt like my 'side' of the issue was never taken into consideration or being heard. Sound familiar?
We were both afraid of this happening during the course of our conversation on the podcast. The conversation we had leading up to the recording of the session brought the above to light.
Then we realized that celebrating our differences was the real key to navigating these relational waters. In fact, celebrating differences was one of the most powerful elements in the Erotic Blueprints framework!
He and I are different in so many ways: attachment styles, childhood experiences, religious influence, erotic blueprints, genders, and career paths. Of course we will have different approaches.
But how often do you celebrate how your sweetie is different from you? It's easy when the relationship is new, and you're both in the rush of New Relationship Energy. They are so refreshing! That weird habit of theirs is wild and it shakes up your world! But over time, those differences can shift from celebration to irritation.
We had a light bulb moment as we were considering all of this: the Erotic Blueprints gave us a vocabulary to understand and express our erotic and relational differences, and then gave us permission to....celebrate them! Paul has very specific gifts as a sensual/shapeshifter type. I have my own special qualities with my energetic/kinky primary blueprints. What a wonderful world of pleasure that allows us to explore!
We choose to use those differences to fuel our attraction and love for and connection with one another. What a different energy that perspective brings. The best part--we realized we had actually already gotten good at this, and that old pattern we were afraid of....was more of a relic. Our podcast conversation was playful, fluid, permissive and celebratory! Happy dance!
What arises in your body as you consider some of your lovers quirky habits and proclivities ? Do you notice tightness in your gut, closing throat? What happens if you decide to look at those same qualities and deliberately celebrate them? Breathe into that, allow a moment of opening in yourself as you consider this same information from a different perspective.
If thinking about your partners differences and celebrating them makes you feel nervous, or threatened or annoyed, that's ok! It's all information. The differences you have with a lover, spouse, or companion are not necessarily a sign of incompatibility. Sometimes you need a vocabulary upgrade and a commitment to celebration.
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If you're interested in finding out more about how to have a celebratory relationship (whether you're single or coupled), click here to apply for a free session.