When you block yourself from feeling a wave of emotion, you block your physical body as a way to block the emotion. After years of this, your body stops moving. And chances are, you don't feel much of anything.
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The constant 'noise' in my head caused by anxiety prevented me from seriously pursuing creative passions like dance and music. It discouraged me from certain educational paths. It talked me out of many a social or recreational pursuit, and crippled my ability to leave the house on many an occasion. It has caused me chronic body discomfort, digestive issues, jaw tension and an inability to concentrate. It robbed me of joy, confounded my ability to make clear decisions, or to even hear the wisdom of my own intuition.
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When my ex-boyfriend and I broke up four years ago, I was devastated. I remained attached to him in unhealthy ways that negatively affected me, him and close mutual friends. I was broke, alone in my mourning, and felt abandoned. I remember crying so hard one night I vomited. This went on for months. Summer turned into autumn, and then into the inevitable darkness of winter. I spent that long winter in a basement apartment, isolated and lonely, with spotty internet service and my two cats. It was not pretty.
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Sounds silly, I know. But how many of us were ever taught the art of healthy relationships?
Most of us learn how to 'do' relationships from the ways in which our parents or primary caretakers engaged in their relationships. And....well.....let's just say that for me, Relationship School in my family left a lot to be desired. Because they weren't well educated in healthy relationships either!
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